Alex "Star-Burns" Osbourne

Student id ALEX OSBOURNE Portrayed by: Dino Stamatopoulos First appearance: "Spanish 101" Home town: Denver, Colorado Occupation: former DRUG DEALER, Cat car salesmen

MY NAME IS ALEX!

— Starburns

Bio

Star-Burns, top hat, and iguana

Alex Osbourne, more commonly known as simply "Star-Burns" is a middle-aged student at Greendale Community College known for his sideburns he shaved to look like stars. Though he enjoys the attention he receives because of them, he dislikes the nickname that comes along with it. He insists on being called his real name "Alex" but contradictorily refuses to shave his distinctive side burns. Over the years, he has constantly tried to forge another identity beyond his facial topiary. This included wearing a top hat in his second year at school and later adding his pet iguana in his third year to his ensemble. A somewhat shady character, he is shown to be a thief, a drug user and also a drug dealer. He was once married to a woman named Magda and has a son, presumably from that union, who appears to be a respectable businessman. His first appearance was in the Season One episode "Spanish 101". He is portrayed by actor/comedy writer and consulting producer of the show Dino Stamatopoulos.

Character history

Season One

“ Hey Winger, check out Annie. Someone just went to the top of my to-do list! ” –Star-Burns, "Romantic Expressionism"

School year synopsis Star-Burns is first seen helping out Annie and Shirley by DJing for their protest rally for Guatemalan civil rights. At a Halloween party, he mistakenly believes Pierce's daily medications are illegal drugs and trades one of his own drugs for one of them. It's revealed he is a member of the campus' "cool" study group and he considers Troy and Abed (along with Pierce's) application for membership into the elite circle. On Valentine's Day he shaves the sideburns to look like hearts making him "Heart-Burns". Star-Burns makes a creepy comment about Annie much to the disgust of Jeff and Britta. His son stops by Greendale for the "Family Day" event the school was throwing. He attends Boating class with Britta, Troy, Shirley and Pierce. His job was to man the "iron jenny" which meant driving the flat bed trailer the sail boat was attached to. Star-Burns popularity is revealed to be tied into his job as the cafeteria fry cook and his access to the most popular food item on the menu: Chicken Fingers. He teams up with Pierce in the episode "Modern Warfare" for the school's the annual game of Paintball Assassin. When Pierce sees that Troy, Abed and Jeff have formed an alliance he eliminates Star-Burns to join them. At the end of the school year, he is at the "Tranny Dance" and witnesses the love triangle showdown for Jeff's affections between Michelle Slater and Britta. When everyone at the dance gives their opinion on who Jeff should choose Star-Burns helpfully opines that they should bring Conan back. [[{{{name}}}/Gallery]]

{{{years}}} semester "Spanish 101": Star-Burns DJ's the Annie and Shirley's rally "Introduction to Statistics": Star-Burns regrets trading his recreational drugs for Pierce's strictly medicinal ones. "Communication Studies": Star-Burns becomes "Heart-Burns" when he shaves his side burns in celebration of Valentines Day. "Basic Genealogy": Star-Burns son visits him on campus for Greendale's "Family Day" event. "Beginner Pottery": Star-Burns takes a boating class with Pierce, Shirley, Britta and Troy. "Contemporary American Poultry": Star-Burns is fired from his Chicken Fingers frying gig in the cafeteria thanks to the study group. "Pascal's Triangle Revisited": Star-Burns helps Jeff choose between Slater and Britta by exclaiming "Bring Conan back!".

Season Two

“ Geez...why don't you guys just get a r-r-o-R-R-G-H-H-H!!! ” –Star-Burns to Annie and Rich, "Epidemiology"

School year synopsis At the beginning of the 2010 Fall semester, Star-Burns adds a top hat to his look in order to draw attention away from his sideburns. He makes a rude comment in Anthropology class during Professor June Bauer's opening lecture. She responds by shooting him with a blow dart laced with poison that temporarily paralyzes him. Star-Burns attends the school's Halloween party in the library where Pierce infects him with a strange virus after biting his arm. The following semester, Ben Chang calls in a favor Star-Burns owes him for a pizza and invites him to a party at Jeff's apartment. Star-Burns ends up inviting a bunch of students from Greendale including Magnitude. At the end of the school year, he participates in the annual game of Paintball assassination. He again joins forces with Pierce in his makeshift safe haven from the battle "Fort Hawthorne". Later he fights for Greendale alongside his fellow students in a paintball war against the City College Storm Troopers who invaded the school. [[{{{name}}}/Gallery]]

{{{years}}} semester "Anthropology 101": Star-Burns angers the Anthropology professor June Bauer and pays dearly for it. "Epidemiology": Star-Burns gets infected by Pierce with a mysterious contagion. "Early 21st Century Romanticism": Star-Burns goes to a party at Jeff's apartment. "A Fistful of Paintballs": Star-Burns works as an employee of "Fort Hawthorne", a safe zone away from the paintball game. "For A Few Paintballs More": Star-Burns joins Troy's squad of Paintball commandos who are setting a trap for their City College enemies inside the Library.

Season Three

“ Kiss me! I'll explain later! ” –Star-Burns to Quendra, "Basic Lupine Urology"

School year synopsis At the start of the 2011 Fall semester Greendale, Star-Burns adds his pet bearded dragon to his ensemble, again to presumably draw attention away from the sideburns. After suggesting to Professor Marshall Kane that they team up to sell drugs, Star-Burns gets kicked out of Kane's biology class. He later becomes a prime suspect in the study group's investigation into the sabotaging of their biology yam project. At the end of the episode the school is informed that his car was rear-ended, causing the meth lab he had built in his trunk to explode and kill him. Abed later receives Star-Burns' video will and honored his request to make a tribute video of him. The study group reminisced about Star-Burns and it was revealed Britta made out with him one time at a party thrown by Fat Neil. Later, a memorial service held in his honor in the cafeteria deteriorated into a riot which caused the study group, who instigated it, to be expelled from school. It is later shown that Star-Burns had faked his death using tips from a handbook on the subject. He was last seen wearing a blonde wig although his star shaped sideburns were still visible. [[{{{name}}}/Gallery]]

{{{years}}} semester "Biology 101": Star-Burns gets kicked out of Professor Marshall Kane's Biology class. "Basic Lupine Urology": Star-Burns becomes the prime suspect in an investigation into the death if the study groups yam. It's later revealed that he died in a car accident. "Course Listing Unavailable": The study group incites a riot during a wake held in honor of Star-Burns. "Introduction to Finality": Star-Burns is shown to be alive and well having faked his death. He is now wearing an obvious wig which barley covers his trademark sideburns.

Season Four

“ STAR-BURNS MEMORIAL TREE PLANTING Sunday 11AM HIS NAME WAS ALEX ” –Flyer for the Star-Burns tree planting ceremony

School year synopsis Due to his anxieties about graduating and leaving Greendale behind, Jeff daydreams a scenario involving "The Darkest Timeline" with his counterpart "Evil Jeff" invading his reality. In his imagination, a poster announcing a tree planting ceremony in Star-Burns honor is crookedly posted on a bulletin board in the school's hallway. Abed, in keeping with his obsessive compulsive tendencies, straightens the flyer before running into Evil Jeff. He shoots Abed with a paintball weapon which teleports him to Evil Jeff's alternate reality. Abed finds himself in the Darkest Timelines version of Dean Pelton's office where he encounters the fake dean. After running into the hallway he sees the same bulletin board but this time it's not a flyer for a Star-Burns memorial and instead an advertisement for a Star-Burns meth sale in the parking lot. Abed takes a moment to straighten that flyer out too before seeking out his evil counterpart. [[{{{name}}}/Gallery]]

{{{years}}} semester "Advanced Introduction to Finality": In a daydream Jeff has, two different flyers are seen posted on a bulletin board involving Star-Burns. Abed is shown looking looking at both of them.

Season Five

“ I didn't call the dean! I don't call no one who don't call me! ” –Star-Burns inadvertently admits he is not the ACB

School year synopsis In the study group's fifth year at Greendale, the menace known as the "Ass Crack Bandit" returns to terrorize the campus. Jeff, Annie and Dean Pelton follow a possible lead on the perpetrator to the school's stables. They are shocked to discover Star-Burns there still very much alive. He had been hiding out at the place after having faking his own death. Star-Burns had spent his time there trying to design and create the worlds first cat powered vehicle. Pelton gets Alex to confesses to being the Ass Crack Bandit in return for his having some outstanding school burglary charges against him dropped. Star-Burns later admits to Jeff he wasn't the bandit and ultimately recanted his confession. A crowd-sourcing video featuring Star-Burns is shown who is taking donations for his cat car idea. Star-Burns later competes in a campus wide game of "Hot Lava" for the $50,000 prize Abed promised the winner. He is eliminated from the competition when Troy and Abed accidentally run him over with "The Orb". Star-Burns later participates when a new status ranking app called "MeowMeowBeenz" is beta-tested on the Greendale campus. He is unable to get ranked above a two and becomes a servant to the higher ranked users. He and an army of other "Twos" later help Britta overthrow the number five users who had taken control of the campus. He wore a special "Zardoz" costume for the occasion and continued to wear after the revolution since he still had time on its rental. Towards the end of the year, an insurance appraiser named Ronald Mohammad declares Greendale to be a valuable city asset after finishing his investigation. After this announcement, Star-Burns immediately plays the song "Ants Marching" on his boom box staring an impromptu celebration. Buzz Hickey threatens Star-Burns to stop playing the song when it's revealed that the school board plans on selling the school. When a plan by Subway to buy Greeendale falls through, Star-Burns again plays the song "Ants Marching" on his boom box starting another impromptu party. [[{{{name}}}/Gallery]]

{{{years}}} semester "Basic Intergluteal Numismatics": Star-Burns is discovered still alive and takes the blame for a series of assaults on campus. "Geothermal Escapism": Star-Burns gets knocked into imaginary lava by "The Orb". "App Development and Condiments": Star-Burns scores a low rank on the campus's new social network and later helps Britta take down the higher ranked users. "Basic Story": Star-Burns plays the Dave Mathews Band song "Ants Marching" to celebrate the news that Greendale passed its insurance inspection. "Basic Sandwich": Star-Burns once again plays "Ants Marching" when the school boards deal to sell Greendale to Subway falls through.

Relationship With Others

Star-Burns appears to have a strained relationship with the study group. He and Jeff Winger in particular appear to have some kind of rivalry, both describing the other as a "douchebag", likely due to his ogling of Annie Edison. In Anthropology class, Star-Burns reminisces about the time in which the study group went on a rafting trip, and how nice it was to have a class not about them. The study group ousts him from his job as a chicken fry-cook during "Contemporary American Poultry." In spite of all this, he and Pierce appear to be friends, trading drugs in "Intro to Statistics" and teaming up together during "Modern Warfare".

Ben Chang loves to mock him, drawing constant attention to the time it must take him to carve stars into his sideburns. After Chang becomes a student, an unspecified incident causes him to owe Chang a small frozen pizza.

Star-Burns has one son, who despite his father's laid back appearance, appears to be a successful businessman. He was married to a woman named Magda, to whom he gave herpes. In his video will, he confirms this saying, "To my ex-wife, Magda, I leave herpes, but she knows that."

Trivia

• In the episode "Intro to Political Science" (2x17), Abed and Troy presented him on his information card as 46 years old (making him born in 1965), a supporter of legalization, of Cambodian ethnicity, and with the DJ nickname, Sparkles.
• In "Course Listing Unavailable", however, Abed made him a memorial (as was his wish) that stated he was born in 1972, making him 41-40 years old, instead of 46.

• He is prone to stealing backpacks that are left unguarded.

• He was an avid user of pills and marijuana.

• He had somewhat of a friendly relationship with Pierce, to the point where he traded narcotics for Pierce's legitimate medication.

• He always wears the same vest, which was used by Abed to emphasize his newly adopted hero persona in the Season 2 paintball finale.

• He used "some kind of crystal instead of deodorant" according to Abed in part 2 of the Season 2 paintball finale.

Class history

Student Name: Alex "Star-Burns" Osbourne   Major: Undeclared   Enrolled: <span class="explain" title="At latest">2009 — <span class="explain" title="Did not graduate">2012} Semester Course Instructor Enrolled Students Fall 2009 Spanish 101 Señor Ben Chang Buddy Austin, Troy Barnes, Shirley Bennett, Annie Edison, Pierce Hawthorne, Abed Nadir, Alex "Star-Burns" Osbourne, Britta Perry, Toby and Jeff Winger Sailing Admiral Lee Slaughter Shirley Bennett, Troy Barnes, Pierce Hawthorne, Alex "Star-Burns" Osbourne and Britta Perry Spanish 102 Señor Ben Chang, Dr. Escodera Buddy Austin, Troy Barnes, Shirley Bennett, Annie Edison, Pierce Hawthorne, Abed Nadir, Alex "Star-Burns" Osbourne, Britta Perry and Jeff Winger Fall 2010 Anthropology 101 Prof. June Bauer, Dr. Ian Duncan Troy Barnes, Shirley Bennett, Annie Edison, Pierce Hawthorne, Abed Nadir, Alex "Star-Burns" Osbourne, Britta Perry and Jeff Winger Economics Unnamed professor Shirley Bennett and Alex "Star-Burns" Osbourne Spring 2011 Anthropology 102 Dr. Ian Duncan Troy Barnes, Shirley Bennett, Ben Chang, Annie Edison, Pierce Hawthorne, Vicki Jenkins, Abed Nadir, Fat Neil, Rich Stephenson, Alex "Star-Burns" Osbourne, Britta Perry and Jeff Winger Fall 2011 Biology 101 Prof. Marshall Kane Troy Barnes, Shirley Bennett, Annie Edison, Pierce Hawthorne, Todd Jacobson, Vicki Jenkins, Abed Nadir, Magnitude, Britta Perry, Jeff Winger and  Alex "Star-Burns" Osbourne

Characters Greendale Students The Study Group Jeff Winger · Britta Perry · Abed Nadir · Shirley Bennett · Troy Barnes · Pierce Hawthorne · Annie Edison Pairings Jeff and Britta · Troy and Abed · Jeff and AnnieTroy and Britta · Annie and Abed · Jeff and Shirley · Troy and Annie · Shirley and Pierce · Jeff and Abed · Britta and Annie · Pierce and Abed · Annie and Vaughn · Abed and Rachel · Jeff and Pierce · Jeff and Troy · Shirley and Andre · Jeff and Slater · Carl and Richie Recurring students Alex "Star-Burns" Osbourne · Leonard Rodriguez · Garrett Lambert · Fat Neil · Vicki Jenkins · Magnitude · Quendra · Todd Jacobson · Vaughn Miller · Rich Stephenson · Stoner friend · Pavel Iwaszkiewicz · Rachel · Eric Wisniewski Jenny Adams · Angela · Buddy Austin · Mark Cahill · Carol · Mike Chilada · Claire · Kelly Cortlandt · Archie DeCoste · Derrick · Doreen · Joey Elkins · Buzz Foster · Linda Greene · MC Dan Harmon · Harry Jefferson · Juergen · Karl · Kat · Annie Kim · Lukas · Lukka · Kim McFadden · Meghan · Mark Millot · Page · Reinhold · Sabrina Shmuckle · Subway · Scott Waugh · Wu Mei · Koogler · DaveSeason One minor characters · Season Two minor characters · Season Three minor characters · Season Four minor characters · Season Five minor characters · Season Six minor characters Activities and Cliques The Study Group · The Greendale Gooffaws · The Germans · The High Schoolers · The Hipsters · Some Worries · Glee Club · Natalie Is Freezing Greendale Employees Administration Dean Craig Pelton · Vice Dean Robert Laybourne · Carl Bladt · Richie Countee · Francesca "Frankie" Dart Faculty Ben Chang · Professor June Bauer · Coach Bogner · Professor Bublitz · Coach Jason Chapman · Professor Cligoris · Professor Noel Cornwallis · Dr. Ian Duncan · Dr. Escodera · Professor Sean Garrity · Professor Buzz Hickey · Professor Holly · Dr. Patrick Isakson · Dr. Marshall Kane · Madame LeClair · Cory Radison · Professor Sheffield · Professor Michelle Slater · Admiral Lee Slaughter · Eustice Whitman · Jeff Winger · Professor Albrecht · Roger DeSalvo Staff Greendale Human Being · Gail · Nurse Jackie · Lunch Lady · Mariah · Nicole · Waldron · Debra Chambers · Elroy Patashnik · Rhonda Campus Security Sgt. Nunez · Troy and Abed look-a-likes · Changlourious Basterds · Joshua (Changlourious Basterds) Custodial Staff Jerry · Joshua · Lapari · Crazy Schmidt · Bob Waite Off-Campus Relatives William Winger · Willy Jr. · Marcus · Gobi Nadir · Abra · Andre Bennett · Elijah Bennett · Jordan Bennett · Ben Bennett · Elijah and Jordan · Nana Barnes · Pierce's mom · Cornelius Hawthorne · Gilbert Lawson · Amber · Rabbi Chang · Alessandra Chang · Hank Hickey · Anthony Edison Lt. Colonel Norbert Archwood · Balloon guide · Blade · Brian · Officer Cackowski · Chantelle Cahill · Alan Connor · The Doppel Gang · Faux-by · Dr. Heidi · Jesus · Ken Kedan · Lauren · Señor Kevin's manager · Mark · Mountain man · Mysti · Nurse · Rick · Mr. Stone · Ted · Toby the pizza guy · Urbana Champaign · Vinnie · Agent Robin Vohlers · Toby Weeks · Subway rep · Ronald Mohammad · Honda boss · Murray City College Dean Stephen Spreck · Jeremy Simmons · Billy · The Black Rider · City College Storm Troopers Animals Annie's Boobs · Britta's cats · Billy · Fievel · Turtle · Ruffles Meta-fictional Kickpuncher · Hilda · Inspector Spacetime The Inspector · Constable Reggie · Blorgons Celebrities LeVar Burton · Luis Guzman · Sophie B. Hawkins Alter egos Tiny Man · Alter-Pierce · Greendale Babies · Boob-A-Tron · Pillow Man · Ass Crack Bandit Christmas Toys Britta Bot · Ballerannie · Jeff-in-the-box · Baby Doll Shirley · Teddy Pierce · Troy Soldier · Christmas Wizard · Christmas Pterodactyl The Darkest Timeline Evil Abed · Evil Jeff · Evil Annie · Evil Troy · Evil Shirley · Evil Britta · Evil Pierce G.I.Joe Wingman · Buzzkill · Tight Ship · Fourth Wall · Three Kids · Overkill · Xim Xam · Major Dick · Vice Cobra Assistant Commander