ALEX "STAR-BURNS" OSBOURNE
Alex Osbourne, more commonly known as "Star-Burns" was a middle-aged student at Greendale Community College known for his sideburns he shaved to look like stars. Though he enjoys the attention he receives with his sideburns, he insists on being called "Alex" and is constantly trying to forge an identity beyond his facial hair. A somewhat shady character, he is shown to be a thief, a drug user and also a drug dealer. His first appearance was in the Season One episode "Spanish 101". His last appearance was in the Season Three episode "Introduction to Finality". He is portrayed by actor/comedy writer and consulting producer of the show Dino Stamatopoulos.
Star-Burns is first seen helping out Annie and Shirley by DJing for their protest rally against Guatemala in "Spanish 101". In "Introduction to Statistics" he mistakenly believes Pierce's daily medications are illegal drugs and trades one of his drugs for some of Pierce's. In the episode "Investigative Journalism", he is shown to be a member of the "cool" study group. In that episode's end tag, he considers Troy and Abed (along with Pierce's) application for membership to the group. On Valentine's Day in the episode "Communication Studies", he shaves the sideburns to look like hearts making him "Heart-Burns". Star-Burns makes a creepy comment about Annie in "Romantic Expressionism" much to the disgust of Jeff and Britta. In "Basic Genealogy", his son stops by Greendale for the "Family Day" event the school was throwing. He attends Boating class with Britta, Troy, Shirley and Pierce in "Beginner Pottery". His job was to man the "iron jenny" which meant driving the flat bed trailer the sail boat was attached to. In "Contemporary American Poultry", Star-Burns popularity is revealed to be tied into his job as the cafeteria fry cook and his access to the most popular food item on the menu: Chicken Fingers. He teams up with Pierce in the episode "Modern Warfare" for the school's the annual game of Paintball Assassin. When Pierce sees that Troy, Abed and Jeff have formed an alliance he eliminates Star-Burns to join them. In the season finale "Pascal's Triangle Revisited", he is at the "Tranny Dance" and witnesses the love triangle showdown for Jeff's affections between Michelle Slater and Britta. When everyone at the dance gives their opinion on who Jeff should choose Star-Burns helpfully opines that they should bring Conan back.
At the beginning of Season Two, he adds a top hat to his look in order to draw attention away from his sideburns. He makes a rude comment in Anthropology class during Professor June Bauer's opening lecture and she responds by shooting him with a blow dart laced with poison that temporarily paralyzes him. Star-Burns attends the school's Halloween party in the library in the episode "Epidemiology". Pierce, infected with a virus, bites Star-Burns arm causing him to get sick as well. Ben Chang calls in a favor Star-Burns owes him for a pizza and invites him to a party at Jeff's apartment in "Early 21st Century Romanticism". Star-Burns ends up inviting a bunch of students from Greendale including Magnitude. In the episode "A Fistful of Paintballs", he participates in the annual game of Paintball assassination and again joins forces with Pierce in his makeshift safe haven from the battle Fort Hawthorne. Later he fights for Greendale alongside his fellow students in a paintball war against the City College Storm Troopers who invaded the school.Biology 101", Star-Burns adds a lizard to his ensemble, again to presumably draw attention away from the sideburns. After suggesting to Professor Marshall Kane that they team up to sell drugs, Star-Burns gets kicked out of Kane's biology class. In "Basic Lupine Urology" he becomes a prime suspect in the study group's investigation into the sabotaging of their biology yam project. At the end of the episode the school is informed that his car was rear-ended, causing the meth lab he had built in his trunk to explode and kill him. In "Course Listing Unavailable", Abed receives Star-Burns' video will and honors his request to make a tribute video of him. The study group reminisces about Star-Burns and it's revealed Britta made out with him one time at a party thrown by Fat Neil. Later, a memorial service held in his honor in the cafeteria deteriorates into a riot which causes the study group who instigated it to be expelled from school. A montage in the season finale "Introduction to Finality" shows that Star-Burns had faked his death using a tips from a handbook on the subject. He is wearing a blonde wig now but his star shaped sideburns are still visible.
Relationship With Others
Star-Burns appears to have a strained relationship with the study group. He and Jeff Winger in particular appear to have some kind of rivalry, both describing the other as a "douchebag", likely due to his ogling of Annie Edison. In Anthropology class, Star-Burns reminisces about the time in which the study group went on a rafting trip, and how nice it was to have a class not about them. The study group ousts him from his job as a chicken fry-cook during "Contemporary American Poultry." In spite of all this, he and Pierce appear to be friends, trading drugs in "Intro to Statistics" and teaming up together during "Modern Warfare".
Ben Chang loves to mock him, drawing constant attention to the time it must take him to carve stars into his sideburns. After Chang becomes a student, an unspecified incident causes him to owe Chang a small frozen pizza.
Star-Burns has one son, who despite his father's laid back appearance, appears to be a successful businessman. He was married to a woman named Magda, who he gave herpes to. In his video will, he confirms this saying, "To my ex-wife, Magda, I leave herpes, but she knows that."
- In the episode "Intro to Political Science" (2x17), Abed and Troy presented him on his information card as 46 years old (making him born in 1965), a supporter of legalization, of Cambodian ethnicity, and with the DJ nickname, Sparkles.
- In "Course Listing Unavailable", however, Abed made him a memorial (as was his wish) that stated he was born in 1972, making him 41-40 years old, instead of 46.
- He is prone to stealing backpacks that are left unguarded.
- He was an avid user of pills and marijuana.
- He had somewhat of a friendly relationship with Pierce, to the point where he traded narcotics for Pierce's legitimate medication.
- He always wears the same vest, which was used by Abed to emphasize his newly adopted hero persona in the Season 2 paintball finale.
- He used "some kind of crystal instead of deodorant" according to Abed in part 2 of the Season 2 paintball finale.
|Fall 2009||Spanish 101||Ben Chang||Abed, Annie, Britta, Buddy, Jeff, Pierce, Shirley, Troy|
|Spring 2010||Sailing||Lee Slaughter||Britta, Pierce, Shirley, Troy|
|Spanish 102||Ben Chang||Abed, Annie, Britta, Buddy, Jeff, Pierce, Shirley, Troy|
|Fall 2010||Anthropology 101||June Bauer; Ian Duncan||Abed, Annie, Britta, Chang, Jeff, Pierce, Shirley, Troy|
|Spring 2011||Anthropology 102||Ian Duncan||Abed, Annie, Britta, Chang, Fat Neil, Jeff, Pierce, Rich, Shirley, Troy, Vicky|
|Fall 2011||Biology 101 - kicked out of class||Marshall Kane||Abed, Annie, Britta, Magnitude, Pierce, Shirley, Todd, Troy, Vicky|