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Ass Crack Bandit (song)

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CD Cover
  ♫Ass Crack Bandit (song)  
Ben Folds

◄  Album : none  -  Performed by: Ben Folds and Ruby Amanfu  ►
  Composed by: Ben Folds  -  First heard: "Basic Intergluteal Numismatics"



Quote
You thought your plumbing was safe but your jeans were half mast
EndQuote
Ben Folds


In the study group's fifth year together at Greendale, a serial prankster who had been dormant for over a year suddenly resurfaced. He terrorized the campus by inserting quarters into the ass cracks of his unsuspecting victims. Although most students feared his wrath, others chose to idolize his antics. A song was even written about him entitled "Ass Crack Bandit", the same moniker which had been given to the perpetrator. It soon became a hit on the campus radio station and Neil regularly played it on his show. The song was first heard on the Season Five episode 'Basic Intergluteal Numismatics". It was written and performed by Ben Folds with back up vocals by Ruby Amanfu.


The songEdit

Episode versionEdit

The show featured this abbreviated version which played over a montage at the end of the episode:

Ass Crack bandit song - Community 5x03 (Lyrics)01:36

Ass Crack bandit song - Community 5x03 (Lyrics)


It said quarter to five
but it was quarter to ass
You thought your plumbing was safe
but your jeans were half mast
Another coin down the drain
Now that's some change that won't last
25 cents at a time
He's taking our souls
Government man can't help
We're all alone
Are you feeling the breeze?
Did you pull your belt tight?
You know that it's wrong
You know that it's right
Out of the shadows
Down the coin goes
Why, oh why do you suppose?
(Only the Bandit knows)
(Woah-oh-oh-oh-woah-oh-oh-oh-oh)
A-S-S-C-R-A-C-K Bandit
(Woah-oh-oh-oh-woah-oh-oh-oh-oh)
A-S-S-C-R-A-C-K Can't stand it


Video by Pascalwb


Full songEdit

After much demand from the Community fandom, a full length version of the song was finally released on YouTube:

Ass Crack Bandit03:47

Ass Crack Bandit


It said quarter to five
But it was quarter to ass
You thought your plumbing was safe
But your jeans were half-mast
Another coin down the drain
Now that's some change that won't last

Twenty-five cents at a time
He's taking our souls
Government man can't help
We're all alone
Are you feeling the breeze?
Did you pull your belt tight?
You know that it's wrong
You know that it's right

Out of the shadows, down the coin goes
Why, oh, why d'you suppose?
(Only the Bandit knows)

Whoa-oh-oh-oh, whoa, whoa-oh-oh-oh
A-S-S C-R-A-C-K Bandit
Whoa-oh-oh-oh, whoa, whoa-oh-oh-oh
A-S-S C-R-A-C-K can't stand it

Coins on the sidewalk, coins in the palm of my hand
Coins in the ass crack or the eyes of a dead man
Drawn from the shadows, quartered by fate
He's the Ass Crack Bandit, enemy of the state

Whoa-oh-oh-oh, whoa, whoa-oh-oh-oh
A-S-S C-R-A-C-K Bandit
Whoa-oh-oh-oh, whoa, whoa-oh-oh-oh
A-S-S C-R-A-C-K can't stand it
Whoa-oh-oh-oh, whoa, whoa-oh-oh-oh
A-S-S C-R-A-C-K

He'll give you no quarter, but he'll... give you *a* quarter
The government just takes your change away
Maybe we're the crooks, and he's the hero
Maybe he's the Messiah, who's to say...

Save yourself a coin for the ferryman
Crossing the River Styx of your ass
Wipe the smile from your face, kids, 'cause this ain't funny
And don't forget your jukebox money!

Whoa-oh-oh-oh, whoa, whoa-oh-oh-oh
A-S-S C-R-A-C-K (Bandit)
Whoa-oh-oh-oh, whoa, whoa-oh-oh-oh
A-S-S C-R-A-C-K (can't stand it)

Can't stand the fear,
Can't stand not knowing,
Can't stand forever,
E·ven·tu·al·ly, we all bend over

In the end, yeah, we all bend over
In the end, yeah, we all bend over

Your brothers, your sisters, they all bend over
Your friends and enemies, they all bend over
You and me, we all bend over
Even the president, we all bend over...



Video by Quarter2Ass

TriviaEdit

Ben Folds not only wrote the "Ass Crack Bandit" song but also appeared in the epsiode in a cameo portraying the pot growing Botany instructor called Professor Bublitz. On Folds' twitter account, he tweeted Ruby Amanfu as his backing vocalist for the song . He also hinted at a four minute version of the song in this tweet which was later released on a Youtube account called "Quarter2Ass" a month after the episode aired on February 6.



Ben Folds with Joel and Alison
Ben Folds with Joel McHale and Alison Brie

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