Hawthorne Wipes First appearance: Pilot first mention, "Advanced Gay" first seen onscreen — Owned by: (Formerly) Cornelius Hawthorne and Pierce Hawthorne, now run by board of directors — Used by: People who need to clean things quickly Purpose: clean up messes— Made by: Hawthorne Industries
I got my body, got my lips, got a pocket full of Hawthornes, p-p-p-pocket full of Hawthornes.
Hawthorne Wipes are a moist towelette product manufactured by Hawthorne Industries. Created by Cornelius Hawthorne, Pierce's father, back in the 1950s, they still remain a popular product today, particularly among the gay community. Pierce was the company's C.E.O. until he was fired by the board of directors after his father's death. The company itself seems to have expanded past selling wipes and even has a technological research division. The product and business was first mentioned in the Pilot episode, and the item continued to be referenced throughout the seasons. The first onscreen depiction of the product was in the Season Three episode "Advanced Gay".
Pierce introduces himself to the study group as the C.E.O and head of Hawthorne Wipes, most likely exaggerating his importance to the company ("Pilot"). Pierce later claims that the moist towelette business ruined all his marriages when discussing his past relationships with Jeff ("Spanish 101"). He later boasts about writing the company's jingle to Annie who in turn asks him to write the new school song for the Luis Guzman statue dedication. Ultimately Pierce is forced to admit to Annie that the jingle he wrote was a rip-off set to the tune of the old melody "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain" and plays a bit of it ("Advanced Criminal Law"). When Abed forms a Chicken Fingers mafia he asked Pierce to use his experience as a C.E.O. to help avoid interference from the authorities. Pierce kept them out of their business by bribing Dean Pelton ("Contemporary American Poultry").
When Annie puts on an anti-drug play for middle schoolers, Pierce complains about his part in the play. He makes another boast that he was once a child actor who appeared in a Hawthorne Wipes commercial. It's later shown that he was replaced by another child actor because his father believed he did poorly in his audition ("Celebrity Pharmacology 212"). Pierce is later seduced by a corporate spy, Wu Mei who is working for a rival moist towelette company called Red Dragon Wipes ("Competitive Wine Tasting").
Pierce learns that Hawthorne Wipes has become a gay icon. Although he was offended at first he later embraces the idea after learning it's a possible new source of revenue for the company. He organizes a launch party at Greendale, called "The Gay Bash", for a new Hawthorne wipes product specifically marketed for the gay community. When his father Cornelius Hawthorne, owner of the company, learns about this he quickly puts a stop to it ("Advanced Gay"). When Cornelius dies unexpectedly, Pierce is removed as C.E.O. by the board of directors. He later uses his remaining money to finance a new enterprise, a sandwich shop at Greendale with Shirley as his partner ("Introduction to Finality").