That dude makes a lot of announcements.
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— Troy, "Spanish 101". |
Many of the Study Group's days at Greendale began with an announcement over the "PA system" or a portable PA boom box. The announcement were usually given by Dean Pelton. The first occurrence of the use of the "PA system" is the Season One episode "Pilot".
List of Announcements[]
"Pilot" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
"Uh, good morning! Uh, many of you are halfway through your first week at Greendale and, uh, as your Dean I thought I would share a few thoughts of wisdom and inspiration. What is community college? Well, you've heard all kinds of things. You've heard it's "loser college" for remedial teens, twenty-something drop-outs, middle-aged divorcees, and old people keeping their minds active as they circle the drain of eternity. That's what you heard, however... I wish you luck! Okay, you know, uh-oh...there's actually more to this speech there is a middle card that is missing. Can we all look in our immediate areas...?" |
"Spanish 101" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
"Good afternoon Greendale Community College! I am your Dean with a few corrections to the Fall class catalogue. "Cosmology" should be "Cosmetology", "Astrology" should be "Astronomy" and, uh, the students on the cover should be smiling but, uh, I suppose that's a matter of opinion. Whoever is growing a small patch of cannabis, congratulations you have won a cruise. Report to security office in order to claim your tickets. In order to increase awareness about homelessness, security has been given binoculars. In campus news, the debate over our library's PA system continues with some students suggesting its volume be lowered while others question its very purpose. More on this story as it unfolds." |
"Advanced Criminal Law" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
"Good morning, Greendale Community College. This is your Dean reminding you that among your school's prestigious alumni is Mr. Luis Guzmán, celebrated actor and model Puerto Rican-American. This Friday, we will be dedicating a statue of Guzmán and unveiling our brand-new school song. So boy, I don't know about you, but this sure feels like a real college to me. Greendale, Greendale, Greendale." |
"Football, Feminism and You" - Featuring: Troy and Abed
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"Debate 109" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
"Good morning, Greendale! Just a reminder, our debate team will bring home the championship tomorrow versus City College. Go Human Beings!" |
"Environmental Science" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
"Okay, you can hear me? Okay. Good morning! I'm here to kick off the first day of a new tradition at our school called Green Week. All this week, Greendale College is becoming so Earth-smart that we're changing our name to Envirodale!" |
"The Politics of Human Sexuality" - Featuring: Abed
"Attention Greendale student! Don't use the condoms! If you're going to have sex tonight, don't use condoms!" |
"Comparative Religion" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
"Happy last day before winter break, Greendale. Time to visit our loved ones. Some of you will travel as far as three miles! Don't forget to visit our winter wonderland, where we're giving away catalogues of next semester's classes. Ha-ha-ha! Whoa! What's that sound? Is that the tippy-tapping of secular boots on the roof? Oh, well, it must be yet another sign that it 'tis the season, because rumor has it that non-denominational Mr. Winter is on his way to the student lounge." |
"Communication Studies" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
"It's Valentine's week, when the Greendale Human Being is the Cupid Being, delivering your gift to that special someone. But remember, Cupid's face is magic marker on nylon, so love is not only blind but also dizzy and a little belligerent." |
"Physical Education" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
"Jeff Winger, I've been informed by Coach Bogner that you left your panties in his pool class so, better pick those up." |
"The Science of Illusion" - Featuring: Dean Pelton and Leonard
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"English as a Second Language" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
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"Anthropology 101" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
"Welcome students, new and old, to another fall semester at Greendale. It's time for clean slates and fresh starts. Celebrate your fresh start tonight at the Fresh-Start Dance in the cafeteria. The same cafeteria where Britta Perry professed her love to Jeff Winger who then walked out on her. Unforgettable. Plus, free punch and fresh-start cookies tonight at the Fresh-Start Dance!" |
"Epidemiology" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
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"Cooperative Calligraphy" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
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"Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
"Ahem. It's that very special time of year, Greendale. A time for me to remind you that your school acknowledges no specialness to this time of year. You do, of course, have a constitutional right to lend this season the significance of your choosing in any of our designated holiday zones." |
"Competitive Wine Tasting" - Featuring: Dean Pelton and Manuel
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"A Fistful of Paintballs" - Featuring: Dean Spreck
"Greendale students, I understand you've unified and intend to draw this game out. Well if it's a war you want, it is a war you shall lose. Resistance is as pointless as your degrees." |
"For A Few Paintballs More" - Featuring: Dean Spreck
"Greendale students, I understand you've unified and intend to draw this game out. Well, if it's a war you want, it's a war you will lose. City College is stronger, faster. Our sperm counts are higher, even in our women. Resistance is as pointless as your degrees. Honestly, ask yourself, what does "Liberal Arts" even mean?" |
"Documentary Filmmaking: Redux" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
"Two females, both 5'10", one brunette, one with asthma." |
"Curriculum Unavailable" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
"We have a few students with birthdays today, but hey, why single them out? What about the students who aren't celebrating anything at all? Are they any less special? Troy and Jeffrey and Annie and Britta and Shirley and Pierce and Abed and Jeffrey just a few of the most special students in the world!" |
"Repilot" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
"Welcome back, human beings! Dean Pelton here, wishing you another magic year at Greendale, ranked America's number two community college by GreendaleCommunityCollege.com. Regarding the recent tragedy surrounding a certain collapsed bridge, we will be observing a moment of silence on the quad followed by four years of silence to the press." |
"Geothermal Escapism" - Featuring: Dean Pelton and Abed
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"App Development and Condiments" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
"Attention, Greendale. I'd like to propose we basically forget everything that happened over the last few days. And I don't anticipate a lot of push back on that. I think we're all pretty embarrassed." |
"G.I. Jeff" - Featuring: Vice Cobra Assistant Commander
"Hello Greendale. I understand that G.I. Joe has breached the perimeter. Please eliminate them. And please don't forget this Saturday is the Cobra fun run. If you miss it, you're letting the anti-terrorists win." |
"Basic Story" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
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"Ladders" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
"Welcome back to Greendale! Now ranking fifth on Colorado's alphabetical listing of community colleges. Rest in peace, Fatboy Slim's DJ School. This school owes its continued existence to the following heroes: Jeff Winger, a teacher so dedicated to clean energy he's already parking like his car is electric. Britta Perry, currently raising awareness of homelessness, not that she has a choice. Abed Nadir, who actually wrote this announcement for the sake of, as he put it, catching everyone up. And Annie Edison who led the effort to save Greendale from 534 critical emergencies." |
"Emotional Consequences of Broadcast Television" - Featuring: Dean Pelton
"Congratulations, Greendale students! We've pulled off another year and we're still standing. Take that health inspector, building inspector, foundation inspector, water line inspector, geologist, exterminator, plumber and Dad." |
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